I wish I had someone with whom I could share...
... my thoughts
KNOCK KNOCK
- WHO’S THERE?
-It’s me with a surprise newsletter!
In my first newsletter, I mentioned friends, solitude, and school. I didn’t plan on talking about all that, but it just flowed out. In this newsletter, I thought it’d be fun to discuss friendships.
I’ve always been a friend girly. I can still remember most of my friends from primary school, and as a matter of fact, I am still good friends with two of them after almost 12 years! We don’t talk all the time, but when we catch up, it always puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day. They’re both genuine, in the sense that they always say things the way they are without beating around the bush, which is one of my favorite things about them.
It feels good to have the kinds of friendships where you don’t necessarily need to talk every day to feel a bond. I see one of my good high school friends once a year (sometimes twice) for a bubble tea catch-up sesh. I look forward to them every year, and it’s an arrangement that works well for both of us.
The point I want to get to here is that not seeing or talking to your friends every day or week is okay. As long as the friendship works for both of you, I don’t see a valid reason to change it.
Like most relationships, you should make the time and effort to see the people you care about. One of my closest friendships is the one I’ve built with my sisters, We make the effort to text, call, and see as much as we can while giving each other space to pursue other passions and friendships. When I say sisters, I mean biological and adopted. Some people graduate from friends to sisters.
Being Intentional about the friends you make.
I had this conversation with my sister the other day about wanting to make friends for a specific purpose. She felt weird for wanting to make a friend to practice a foreign language. It’s normal to have friends for distinct things. I have people with whom I go to discover new restaurants, some I call my ‘book friends’ because that is what we like to talk about, and I have my school friends that make education 1000000 times more fun. We should give ourselves the space to be intentional about our friendships, looking for something particular doesn't mean your ‘planned friendship’ is less genuine than one that was spontaneous.
During covid, I gradually lost touch with some ‘friends’. Some were intentional, and others not.
The time spent during lockdown, especially in 2021 made me reflect on the friends I kept. It also made me realize something was missing. I didn’t have any genuine practicing Muslim friends. So, I made it a point to look for these kinds of people, and I made dua. This dua not only gave me the best sisters a girl could ask for, but it extended to many other things. It brought me closer to the mosque, to searching for knowledge and things I won’t even realize till I’m wayyy older.
All in all, this newsletter is a big thank you to all my friends, and my sisters, born and found, I pray we stay friends in this life and the next.
This week, there’s no video but I’ll leave you with this:
And there will be people on the Day of Judgment who will regret the Khalil that they chose. They will say:
يَا وَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا
Ya waylata laytanee lam attakhith fulanan khaleelan
Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend.
(Surah Al-Furqan 25:28)
BAHAHAH you thought I’d leave you without book recommendations? Who do you take me for? Here is a list of my favorite books on friendship:
The Secret Garden- Frances Hodgson Burnet: It’s the story of a girl (Mary) who returns from India to live with her uncle in England. She makes 1-2 friends. It’s one of my favorite books and it’s not too complicated.
Mon maître et mon vainqueur- François-Henri Désérable: Definition of ride or die. Definition of ride or die. A friend tries to defend his friend so that he does not go to jail.
And because I love chaos
Charming as a verb- Ben Philippe: One of the best frenemies to friends that I’ve read. It all happens in New York and it’s such a well-written novel.
Emma- Jane Austen: the fake friend you need. Emma thinks she’s better than everyone else and thinks she can solve every problem in the world. Newsflash: she can’t.
As usual, don’t forget to hydrate, eat your fruits and veggies, and all the good stuff.
This made my day ❤